I’m starting to get blue again, after few weeks where I seemed in control of my feelings, I keep being pushed back down by my inability to realize reality is something different than the fiction and dramas i watch. I just can’t stop myself and always end up nostalgic for tv series I’ve seen or books I’ve read. So much that I cannot even look for anything related otherwise I’ll start crying. Am I sick? Probably a lot.
Do you think it has something to do with me being unable to cope with my feelings? Sometimes it’s just that reality is so overwhelming that I feel lost. I can’t even begin to think about my future since I feel panic washing me up like a tsunami.
Is it so difficult for everyone? Letting go of the age where I could dream about any kind of future without holding back, letting go of my wild fantasies and realizing that even those dreams, that seems nearly possible, are just another bunch of completely frenetic scratches of what could possibly happen is the scariest thing in the world. Sometimes i think about jumping of a cliff just so I could escape this approaching storm called growing up. When I look back at my life I think I would have done something different but at the same time I know that it because I know more things now and that I know those things because I did them wrong in the past… Butterfly effect? Or more my confused mind ranting?
Anyway I’m feeling blue and I’ll just let myself rot in this feeling for a while, untill morning comes again tomorrow.